BUM BLAST IN KP !!

Its 11th March !! Wait a sec…This date means something to me..but what?...Ah got it..Its my Birthdate!!
So as it happens every year, this year too on 11th March ,I was poured with n number of birthday wishes.

‘Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional’…
‘Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!’…

But this post is not about the wishes I got on my natal day. Its about frantic birthday celebrations that occur in a place called KP. Its about yobs who proudly call themselves KPians. Its about a BUM Blast in KP. Unfortunately for me, this time around, the BUM we are talking about here was mine!!

The eve of my birthday started with KPians throwing some teasers of the events to follow. I was told to get ready for some hairdrier treatment. And I would know what that meant later that night. They did all the possible things to dent my psyche. Some people did warm up exercises before me while others told me ways to minimize the suffering. There were not gonna be any surprises this time around.. The plans were set and I was the target…in fact it was my BUM. I was fully made aware of this blueprint but the irony of the situation was such that there was nothing I could do!..’You a’int gonna escape from the clutches of these fierce animals this time around’ my inner self told me. I was about to get a taste of my own medicine!!!!

The moments leading to the ‘THE MOMENT’ were filled with me thinking how I would face these brutes getting their 2 ½ kg limbs on my sweet little BUM. Perhaps looking at my feeble body, they will surely show me some mercy - I tried to hope against the hope. As the moment drew closer my heart started beating rigorously. And finally when THE MOMENT, for which I was not so eagerly waiting for, came as the clock hit 12! I had seen KICKASS MORNINGS on TV once, but it was time to experience KICKASS NIGHT!!!!

I was escorted from balcony to hall by a bouncer with a mischievous smile. When I reached the hall I found things pretty unusual. The black forest cake which was brought on the occasion was being given least coverage! This was not all.. the guys were flexing their muscles and taking snaps of their .. well husky legs! Yes it may sound like gayish behavior right now, but that was not to be.! ‘Vaish its gonna be nasty down here’ I told myself. I had to remind the dudes that there was something called ‘Cake’ waiting for me to make incisions into it. As soon as I cut the forest in no time I was drowned in it. It was all over me. In KP the birthday cake is not meant for eating, I recollected while I was being readied for the KP ritual. At the same time my face was being continuously bombarded with snow foam. The cake and foam mixture made its way to places which I didn’t even know existed.

And then came the time which I and my BUM will not be able to forget in years to come. I had no option but to surrender myself to the encircling hooligans. I was lifted in the air and with no mercy whatsoever my BUM was subjected to utmost agony. It was as if my BUM was a magnet and the 20 odd legs were made of iron! The maiming continued for a few minutes but it was eternity for me! When one player got tired, some other dude took his place. I was given no rest though! I was not even given time to feel the pain..no sooner did one leg made its impression on my BUM other was waiting its turn. To speak in software terms my BUM was a open source..free for all!!! Finally it was over. I was given some breathing space after all.
The geyser was on and warm water was awaiting me n my bruised BUM. While the warm water was nursing my wounds, up came the question in my mind ‘Is this the best birthday celebration I ve had?’ and up came the answer through my heart..Yaaass! And instantly I realized one thing. The impressions made on my BUM were very faint as compared to the ones made by KPians on my heart!!

To round it off just 1 more suggestion from my side..If in case at any point in life you wanna experience what a fantASStic birthday celebration is..just stop by KP on the eve of your birthday and the KPians will take care of the rest!!!

God Was Always Visible..Its Just That The People Were Blind!!

I was in the middle of a brief siesta in office when I heard one of my colleague say..' We are batting'..I got up and thought 'HE is batting!’ . I quickly logged into cricinfo(our only source for scores) and found that the marathon had already begun. 'Not watching the match live' is the emotion i couldn't resist any more. I convinced my friend to leave the desk early. So here I was at 4 o'clock on my way to my pal’s room to watch HIM bat. At that point of time little did I know that this would be one of the best decisions i had taken. While on his bike many thoughts crossed my mind. 'What if HE becomes a victim of nervous 90's before we reach there?' ‘No way has he already conquered the nervous 90’s syndrome - I reassured myself. These very thoughts reiterated why this game is called 'The Game Of Glorious Uncertainties'. But within all these uncertainties, deep in my mind, I knew that one thing was certain - The GOD was with us.!

When we reached there, HE was batting on 96. I saw HIM bat with brutal determination which was surely missed when HE was getting out in the 90's. So I thought that No.46 was safely in HIS grasp. And as it turned out it surely was. Once HE got to this milestone the time had come to change the gears, the time had come to show the planet that he was IMMORTAL. What followed in the next hour or so left us gasping for breath. HE kept the ball boys busy. The ground seemed smaller than it actually was. No bowler was spared. There's no 'PITY' word in HIS dictionary. It was absolute carnage. HIS pitch map was filling fast. HE reached HIS 150 in no time. For once the bowlers started getting cramps. The mental wounds inflicted by HIM on the bowlers psyche were much deeper than the swollen eye and ruptured web with which they were bowling. HE is a sadist when HE has a bat in hand and bowlers running in to bowl at HIM.


But even after this display the thought of 200 was remote. Once HE crossed 180 mark is when we thought it was achievable. The time was there and the poise with which he was batting I thought we were about to watch something unimaginable even by HIS highest standards. Captain was giving HIM a good company. HE quickly past HIS previous best of 186. The next milestone was 194 - The highest score in ODIs. Without much fuss HE got past that too. Meanwhile the overall score had crossed 350 mark but no one really seemed to care. Because the moment, which we all had been waiting for, was nearing. HE was on 195 in 46th over and we thought it would be a cakewalk for HIM. But the script had its own twists. When the 49th over started HE was batting on 199 but the strike was with the Captain. He would go on and play the entire over hitting 2 sixes and a four and even end up taking a run of the last ball to keep strike. 6 balls 1 run..'Common give the strike to GOD you DOG' I said loudly.As it happened he would get strike only for the third ball and that is what he required -just 1 ball.


The fate was sealed. Atheists were compelled to believe that GOD exists after all and HE is one of us. In the presentation ceremony after the match HE said and i quote 'I would like to dedicate this double hundred to all the people of India who stood with me for the last 20 years.' I proudly say that I am one of the millions of people who stood by HIM through thick and thins of this remarkable voyage. May this journey never end. May the GOD be always with us.

POSTER COURTSEY : GAUTAM KAMAT BAMBOLKAR